Okay here’s the thing.
I really want to start up with some serious photography. I have been deriving inspiration after inspiration and yet I still approach my camera as…well, some creative muse/instrument that needs to be used but is too good for me.
Honestly, it’s like being at a highschool dance and trying to ask your crush to dance. I’m nervous. I always try to dress nicely around it, wear a little make up, bat my eyelashes at it, in hopes that it will tumble into my hands and teach me its craft! (or even slow dance with me)
However, I feel like I’m at this point now where it’s do or die. Minus the die part. The other daunting task is it isn’t just about the pictures themselves - I have to figure out Photoshop, layout patterns…the whole shebang.
I really, really want to do photography as a sort of professional hobby. I’d love to one day have the skills to be called up by people to do a quick family portrait session, or to capture a baby shower, or do a backstage photo session with local bands. Aside from this, then there’s the obvious benefit of using it for Kwagala.
How great would it be to properly capture and thus convey smiles, progress, illness, happiness, drought, melancholy…I don’t want photographic boundaries.
But I have to get good. I want to harness this craft but I have no idea how to – trial and error? Setting my camera to automatic settings and then taking note of the settings? Poring over a textbook? (Consequently, Nico has a Photoshop manual though it’s entirely in French). Anyway, this personal battle is one I’ve possessed for some time. Nicolas pointed out that when one harnesses a craft, one ends up fighting against one own’s vanity. I thought that was a very practical and great point.
I just want to be the best at something. Now, I know that sounds a bit far-fetching, and I should settle for just being pretty good at something, but I must admit, I don’t even really feel “pretty good” at something.
Things I know I can do:
- · Make cappuccinos
- · Karaoke
- · Writing
- · Phlebotomy
- · Organization
- Caring. Especially for the sick.
So you see, I know I’m not useless. Dear friend Kelci once or twice, or even three times, has advised me to stand in front of a mirror naked and find three things I like about myself…everyday.
I don’t think I could do that, and not only in a self-deprecating way…well, okay, maybe in a self-deprecating way. But seriously, there’s not that much to like in ourselves is there? Maybe there is. Maybe I’d feel better if I kept started shaving my legs.
Despite what this might suggest, I actually am in a terrific mood these days. I’ve decided to stay in Montreal for the foreseeable future. How long you ask? At least a year. I don’t really want to pinpoint it anymore exact than that, but I know at least, I’ll be here until December as I’m going to do my fall term at Concordia. Maybe Mum was right – M really is my city.
While I’ll continue to write regardless of feedback, it would be nice to get comments from my readers. Since Google lets me know what country/computer program my readers are coming from/using, I can only guess who’s reading this. I love the mystery, but I’d prefer the commentary.
Maybe I need to evoke (invoke?) some more participation: does anyone have any photog tips for moi? Can anyone explain aperture, without getting scientific? How, when the aperture is large, and the shutter speed is low, and the ISO is high, can I possibly allow enough light in? How do I avoid camera shake?
Lastly, I need to congratulate my dearest brother Moses who far exceeded his own school’s expectations in his finals, and has opened up so many doors for himself. With the grades he received, he is now free to study any topic he’d like, which, in his heart, is Law. I couldn’t be more proud of my dude!
Song du Jour: Generosity by Mirah [Track 1 off (a)spera]
á bientôt!
katie.
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