first day of school

well I started Concordia yesterday. And man is it going to be a busy year. 

I'll work probably two, maybe three nights a week; I have two courses at Concordia on Wednesday and Thursday evenings and then three online courses through the University of Winnipeg. What classes you ask?

1. History and Sociology of Genocide up to 1945 - a different take on things since the class is equally divided between politics/human rights/history students and sociology/psychology students. Also, it starts back in Hedonistic times. Mongols, Romans, Zulus, Aboriginals...covers it all - and in only 13 two-hour classes. My friend Kenneth is also in the class, even though he's a graduate student and it's an undergrad class. 

2.African Popular Culture. I'm not sure what to expect from this course; I have it tonight for the first time, and I'm not even sure what popular culture in Africa is. Nigerian movies? Keyboard-based music? Revolution? No matter what it'll be fine since, after all, it does have the word Africa in it, and that's 50%  of my university course-taking criteria right there.

3. Disability Studies 

4. Survey History of Canada up to 1939

5. Environmental Sustainability (science credit. terrifying.)

The last three are my online U of W courses.

My room is pretty well moved in; I just need a hammer to nail some art to the walls. The rest of the apartment is deplorable in terms of cleanliness and so I'm mostly just hiding in my room. Seriously, I've never seen such little tidiness. I know it exists, and I know it could be worse, but for now, I prefer my female-scented albeit cluttered room.

I have been spending my days pretty much in bed being the laziest I have ever been. I always forget that I get really down in September; and so far this has been a cloudy and difficult September in Montreal. I was feeling pretty rough for the last week and it sort of climaxed late last night and so now I'm trying to pick myself back up and start all over into a rhythm that is hopefully less destructive. 

Emotions + boredom = disaster. Lots of self-deprecation and feelings of unworthiness. Lastnight I wrote though and that helped. Well....it helped in a roundabout way. It felt great, but then after, the catharsis set in and I found myself texting friends in Winnipeg and Montreal and feeling very, very, alone.

But.

This is my adventure. This is mine. This is for me. Montreal is my home because I chose for it to be.

I can keep waiting for someone to pull me out of this, but truthfully, I know it's me who has to pull herself out.

I need to get out of downtown Montreal too. Explore the city again - I'm getting too comfortable in my room, surrounded by but still away from the people and the buzz of this cosmopolitan city.

Tomorrow I am heading out with my lifelinesavinggracebestfriendinmontreal Danielle for a night of reckless abandon and folly. folly? Is that what I want to say? I'm not even sure what folly means.

Goals:

1. Stay on top of school. Own it.

2. Photograph more. Take at least one picture a week that I am proud of

3. Care about myself more

4. Organize my room and the apartment

5. Meet friends. 

6. Spend no money.

Okay. That's graspable.

Good thing I have a little slice of Winnipeg arriving here in 19 days. Sounds like I need it.

sorry for the lack of blogging. please keep reading.

-out of the ashes-

à bientôt

xox

k