so I moved in with a guy friend who has shown me the most compassion ever.

he has cats.

he lives downtown.

he said I can stay here until at least April.

we cook together

we drink together

we watch movies

yesterday in the midst of an "i miss my old life" moment he let me just cry and cry and cry

I've been reading a lot of poetry and it's so soothing. I don't know who this person is that I have become but I'm strong. ish.

I figure I can only depend on myself. I am the only person in the whole world that won't abandon me.

Except, of course, when I abandon myself.

maybe soemtiems we gotta trust ourselves not to scream out loud and run like hell.

believe me.

all the days you're unsure

believe in me

i don't want to anymore

and in the dark

picture me in your mind

and i'll lay with you

you don't have to be scared at night.

some very meaningful lyrics by kathleen edwards.

I guess the worst part is that I have been set back. That I feel I have to restart. Everything.

That I need to get furniture

regain sorely lost confidence

that i need to reclaim my passions.

I need to find faith in love again. It seems that it always lets me down.

I keep loving and losing. and I don't want to believe they're related

some scathing words spoken in the heat of an angry moment that are now implanted in my core. words i didn't want to believe, but did.

i feel so alone but at the same time, if i can only depend on myself, ever, than I'm only as alone as I allow myself to feel.

someday, someone won't want to see me go.

I have a friend who I have spent a lot of time with recently who actually makes me feel appreciated

who seems to know me so well

I wish I could properly convey all my appreciation.

I guess once I'm feeling a bit less broken, I will.

this is all over the place.

i miss my family.

i miss my best friends.

i miss comfort.

that's it.

I really miss comfort.

really so much.

k.