those promised photos..life du jour.

this man is in all aspects of the word, incredible. 

ottawa last week

a vain photographer. go figure. my night out at the club where I was shooting for the first time!


some of these photos were taken by my co-worker Mazda.
all photos taken with Canon 7D and love and interest.

another chapter starting (DIDN'T I JUST START ONE!??!)
YES.

but now I'm moving, somewhere more permanent feeling, less messy, and more me.
ohhhhhhh!! When all this settles it'll feel sooooo good!!!

missing my friends and family like mad right now.
k,m,l,a,m,d,c,l
wish you were here.

SO excited though because my friend is MOVING here in just two short weeks. Through him I have met a great group here in Montreal, and I can't wait to share new times, new things, new laughs and a new life.

How many times can Montreal feel brand new?

I just love it. I am growing to love it.

I'm sad still. Maybe not as empty though. Maybe...hopeful?!

I'll put up some more photos when I'm all settled. I think I will start creating beauty (even if it is melancholic) once I create a more inspiring space in my new lovely apartment!

à bientôt!!

xox

k

02.10.

I remember when I started this blog it was to document that huge leap over the chasm (which I guess would be called Ontario) and into Quebec.

I don't know if I've documented that properly. I've documented the pain, the loneliness, the happiness, the jubilation, the fear, the anxiety etc.

But I don't know that anyone has really felt what I have in my move here.

I live in one of the most cosmopolitan cities in the world. I live right, bang smack in the middle of it.

I work two jobs that document two very different sides of me (I am a true gemini, after all).

I've lived in a working-class-of-yore neighbourhood, where the baker provided the bread, the fruit and vegetable market was around the corner, and where tiny TVs sat perched in little convenience stores called depanneurs.

And now I've undergone a whole new life-make over. Nothing is how it was. I feel that I've made two gigantic moves in the last year, because moving downtown (against my will) made me re-evaluate everything, and I really changed it all.

Montreal is my home. Even I haven't gotten used to that yet.

The other day, on a whim, I ended up in Ottawa in a rented car, picking up 42 organic pizzas.

I spent the afternoon on Parliament Hill, with an amazing new friend.

My photography has been noticed a bit and that feels great.

I talked Persian poetry with regulars at my job

My bosses have confidence in me

could it be that one of the hardest things I ever had to do has actually yielded something really incredible?

"i'm waiting for something. if that something is to realize"

I think I'll add to this all a bit later. 

I still miss him and my old life and my old habits and everything about last winter when I was inconceivably happy.

"takes a long to forget"

xox

02.09.

update soon, with photos.

xox

k

02.08. my mother told me not to swear...

but fuck you for me wanting to share every happy moment with you still.

the list of things I wouldn't have if her had never dumped me grows daily, but still.

"And I don't need to know your favourite artists name 

And I don't need to know what woman's felt the same

And I don't need to see you every single day

But I'd like to

Break my heart back into place

'Cause I've come to understand you more lately

And I've found a man inside your chest

Some will tear him up and I'll lay him to rest

And I don't need to know the details of your past

And I don't need to know when you thought of me last

And I would have to say if I'm the sail then you're the mast

And we've caught a good wind, the mast"

Do you even know how hard it is to go more than one block in any direction and not become overwhelmed? Hurt? 

did you know I spent 24 hours not thinking of you and then you came crashing all around me?

per-pet-ual-heart-break.

and those 24 hours? The most blissful I've had in the longest time.

I wish I deserved it, but I didn't.

and you go on and on and on and on and on.

&

I get to just scrape by.

"when will the time come I could hear a sad love song, that doesn't speak to me?"

So I throw myself into every single thing that jumps in front of me.

you got off so easy.

you got off so easy.

you got off so easy.

you forgot me so easily.

If I didn't love you so much I'd hate you. But I can't.

UGH.

camera of my dreams is cajoling me - begging me to be creative, but I have no time.

7D - I PROMISE you I will appear again soon and snap you like no one's business.

k.

02.07.

i'm the hero of the story, don't need to be saved.

it's alright. it's alright. it's alright. it's alright.
no one's got it all.

more to come after homework apocalypse.

xox

02.06.

this all felt good.

à bientôt

xox

k

02.05.

flicker on.

flicker off.

and whatever foundation I thought I had, crumbles quickly.

5 days a week of work. 7 days a week of school work.

don't know where I'll land.

it's like i've been forgotten.

i feel scathed.

details to come.

yes. 

details to come.

I have new friends. I think.

But it doesn't fill the void.

k.