i almost did it.
almost.
but, at the last moment, things fell apart and i'm coming back home tomorrow a broken woman again.
i can't figure out how i feel. it's like i pretend to by cynical, knowing i'll be proven wrong, but then i never get proven wrong. my cynicism is founded.
i'll say: He stood me up.
they'll say: No way! Something probably came up.
i'll say: no he for sure stood me up.
two days later, he'll say: yes. I stood you up.
It's like I assume and proclaim the worst in hopes of jinxing it.
this anthem of mine..."it doesn't matter what I say or what I do, I'm what's wrong. If I'm not hurting myself, I'm hurting everyone around me. There's nothing I can do about it."
and fuck it hurts. I feel this city becoming everything I tried to leave in Winnipeg.
I want to be open to love but as soon as I am I'm destroyed by it. This was supposed to be different.
everything was supposed to be different
whether i liked it or not.
cynical or not, even i don't know what I'm supposed to do right now.
winnipeg in 24 hours. i'll make it just fine.
No comments:
Post a Comment